Panel Questions

Mar 31, 2018
Originally published on March 31, 2018 11:38 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Unlike Lemony Snicket, we don't have any orphans to torment. But we do have our panelists. Here's a question from a recent show.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED BROADCAST)

SAGAL: Alonzo, a new study shows that while communicating, what little addition can save a relationship?

ALONZO BODDEN: Apology.

(LAUGHTER)

AMY DICKINSON: Try it.

SAGAL: No.

BODDEN: Let's see. I'm taking this. It's communication between the two people...

SAGAL: The two people.

BODDEN: ...Involved in a relationship.

SAGAL: And I'll give you a hint. These days, as you know, most communication between people happens by text. So adding what can save your relationship?

BODDEN: Punctuation.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: No, I'm telling you from experience. Punctuation...

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: ...Makes a huge difference, Peter.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: Oh, that comma will save you sometimes.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: OK, so...

SAGAL: For example, eggplant, peach, happy face, question mark.

BODDEN: Emojis?

SAGAL: Yes, emojis.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: That's the key. What is the difference between a marriage counselor and a tiny picture of a smiling turd? Well, one can save your relationship and the other never just comes out and tells your wife that she's the one who's wrong.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A linguistics study shows that emojis can help men and women avoid misunderstandings by expressing the tone and underlying emotion of a text. That is why Apple is currently developing a sexually frustrated with poor self-esteem face emoji...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Just for teenage boys to use while texting girls.

BODDEN: I'm sticking with punctuation on this.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In Japan, many police officers are in desperate need of what?

ADAM FELBER: Pants.

SAGAL: No, they have pants. They're well-pleated They're nice.

FELBER: I'm going to - what I need is a hint.

SAGAL: I see. Well, their motto is to protect and twiddle our thumbs.

FELBER: They need work. They need jobs. They need crime.

SAGAL: Yes, they need something to do.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: They need crime. Japan is bad as being bad. Crime rates in Japan have fallen so low in the last 13 years that police officers are literally looking for things to occupy their time. In fact, in one case - and this is real - a group of police just set out a case of beer on the sidewalk and waited for someone to take one only to immediately charge them with theft.

BODDEN: I'm just thinking "Law And Order: Tokyo" would be the most boring show you've ever seen.

(APPLAUSE)

FELBER: (Imitating "Law And Order" theme) What do you think happened here, lieutenant?

BODDEN: Nothing.

DICKINSON: Not much.

FELBER: How about over here? Let's just draw chalk outlines anyway.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Maybe a body will fall in.

(SOUNDBITE OF THE HOLLYWOOD PRIME TIME ORCHESTRA'S "LAW AND ORDER THEME SONG")

SAGAL: When we come back, a competitive sport for people who don't like competitions or sports - and the composer for a new Star Wars movie Michael Giacchino. I've got a good feeling about this. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME! from NPR. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.